


Granger

by TheSiren913



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-11 22:37:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10476048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSiren913/pseuds/TheSiren913
Summary: This piece has mentions of suicidal thoughts and depression.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This piece has mentions of suicidal thoughts and depression.

I feel as though I'm drowning, and no one can see me. No matter what I do, no matter what I accomplish, it doesn't feel like enough. This isn't me. 

Sometimes, when I go to the lake to think or read, I think about how easy it would be to just throw myself in. To weigh myself down. Would anyone even care? Sure, maybe they would say, "Oh, what a shame," but Harry and Ron have each other. They don't need me. When I get into these moods, I can't climb out of this pit I find myself in. 

Everything I've read tells me I need to keep occupied and try to surround myself with support. But how does one tell their friends they have been so depressed that they want to end it? How does one explain how it feels, to see how ridiculous and illogical the feelings are, and be unable to make the sadness stop? How does one explain the feeling of pain, like your heart has been gouged from your chest? ...When those closest to you can't give you what you need, what else do you do? 

I tried to tell Harry how I felt today. He got really uncomfortable. Insisted that I had a lot to be thankful for and acted like I was being selfish. Changed the subject. ..Maybe I am just being selfish and needy and I need to deal with this on my own. I'm too afraid to tell Ron, for fear of pushing him away, too. I'm afraid I'm never a good enough friend, anyway. If they have to deal with my problems, too, they may just not want to spend time with me anymore, and I can't lose them. 

I just want to feel loved. I want to know I mean something to people, especially Harry and Ron. But you know boys. They either think telling someone they care makes you fall in love with them, or that it makes them appear stupid. Their way of telling me they care is poking fun.

When I look at the girls they drool over, all I can see is how unlike those girls I am. I'm not particularly pretty or talented. I have cleverness, but that doesn't seem to make people like me. I'm not the girl that people call up and invite to things, or set aside time for. I'm always on my own. I'm tired of always making the effort and getting none in return.

I'm constantly working to prove myself. 

The loneliness and constant criticism is getting to me. I can't continue on like this. I find myself fantasizing about how I would kill myself if I ever chose to. It terrifies me. I feel I have nowhere else to turn. 

 

 


End file.
